Going up In Flames
by Laurenreynoldsisnotdead
Summary: Sorta AU Deals with Emily's feelings right after being undercover but right before joining the BAU...sorry I suck at summaries
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Emily POV:

"I wanna talk to Sean," I said as they pulled me into the car.

As they shut the door, I looked out at Ian, a wave of guilt coming over me. He had no clue that the reason Interpol was knocking on his door was all because of me. I shouldn't have felt guilty though. He was a criminal. He had killed people, or had others do it for him; he had sold illegal guns that I'm sure eventually got countless people murdered. He was a cold-blooded monster. But yet, I was the one who felt like the monster.

I was silent as we drove away from the villa, but I heard the men talking into their earpieces, saying that everything was clear and that I had been extracted successfully and so on.

The villa was pretty far from the villa was pretty far from the city, so we mainly drove on backgrounds until finally making it to Florence.

The agent next to me answered his phone as we pulled out onto the main road.

"It's for you," he said, looking at me.

I nodded and took the phone from him.

"Hello," I answered, speaking for the first time since we left.

"Hello,darling."

It was Clyde.

"What the hell was that?" I demanded.

"What the hell was what?" He asked innocently.

"You know you could've told me you were coming today at the last check in," I continued.

"Then your reaction wouldn't be as believable," he explained.

"Believable? Clyde, you don't think I've been believable-" I argued.

"You were compromised and we had the information we needed," he said simply.

"Compromised? How was I-" before I could finish the thought, the light we were stopped at turned red, we began to go across, but when we did, so did a car coming from the other direction.

Everything froze as the car collided with ours. Smashing my door in. The last thing I heard was Clyde'a voice coming through the phone.

"Emily? Emily?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

EMILY POV

I only remember flashes after that. Bright lights. Sirens. Shadows and silhouettes. Pain and numbness.

Then there were memories coming in-between the flashes. I tried to keep my eyes open as much and as long as I could, but it wasn't working. I didn't have the strength. Plus, when I was asleep I didn't feel the pain of breathing. Of blinking. Of squinting to try and make out figures and my surroundings.

When my eyes opened for the final time, I heard the bearing of a heart monitor, which really was not helping my migraine. Neither were the bright lights. Everything else was blurred, including the three figures standing over me.

I opened my mouth to ask them what was going on, but it was too dry and nothing came out but a small whimper when even that small movement sent pains through my body.

"Look who's awake," I heard Clyde say. I matched his voice to the dark form on my right, but there was still someone next to and across from him.

"Hello, Emily," said the voice on my left. "My name is doctor McBride. Do you know where you are?"

"W-what?" I muttered, trying to get out the statement "what happened?" But it obviously wasn't working.

"A drunk driver missed a red light," said the final voice, who I now recognized as Sean. "Got the car pretty bad."

"You have a concussion and a few broken ribs, but you should be fine," said the doctor.

"Nothing you haven't dealt with before," I heard Clyde joke, but then they were silent.

"T-th-there's something you're n-not telling m-me," I stuttered.

They all shared a look before Clyde turned to me again.

"Emily, you're pregnant."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

I froze. It was like I was there but I wasn't. I was concentrating hard to process the information, but I wasn't thinking at all.

"Are...are you sure?" Was all I managed to say.

They all nodded.

I wasn't sure how I felt. I was happy, but I was scared. And that's when the guilt came over me again. I remembered how much Ian wanted more kids and now here I was, but he was being shipped off to some prison.

"Emily?" I heard Sean ask, probably noticing that I had zoned out.

"What?" I asked, getting back to the present. "Oh, uh, yeah?"

"You don't have to keep it," I heard Sean continue. But it wasn't a suggestion it sounded more like an order.

.

AN: Sorry my chapters are kinda short hope it's okay. Also thanks for the reviews so far you guys are awesome!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"I'm sorry what?" I demanded, looking up at Sean. He couldn't be serious. There was no way in hell I would kill another baby; it never even crossed my mind.

"You're telling me you were actually thinking about keeping it?" He asked.

"Um, yeah," I answered as if it were obvious. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you're an agent, not a breeder!" He said, frustrated.

I guess you could say Sean and I had never really gotten along. He was a complete control freak when it came down to it; big on rules and procedures and everything was black and white, right and wrong. Me on the other hand, I had my own opinions and I didn't need Sean to boss me around like some little kid.

"Maybe I don't wanna be an agent anymore," I said defiantly.

He and Clyde both looked at me almost shocked.

"Emily, listen to yourself right now," Clyde joined it. "You're about to give everything up for Ian Doyle's child!"

"No, that's not the only reason. Clyde you promised me Doyle was the last case. You said if I wanted to leave afterwards I could," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it," he said.

"I want out," I clearly stated, looking back and forth between their frustrated expressions.

**AN: So just a quick chapter I came up with! Thanks for the support so far! Don't forget to review! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I kinda stopped updating this because...well I don't actually know...but anyhow I reread it today and it got my brain juices flowing so I'm gonna try and maybe do more with it..I don't know lol**

"You're insane! You've worked you're whole life for this career and now you're just gonna throw it all away! And for what?" Sean exclaimed.

I thought about it for a minute. I honestly didn't know why I wanted out other than the baby..I just...I just did. I was tired of it. I was tired of becoming a new person whenever they told me to. I was tired of moving around. Hell, I've been jumping from country to country my whole life of course I didn't want to do it anymore! I just wanted stability. I wanted to feel secure for once. I wanted the family I had never had, and maybe, even though I knew there was no chance of Ian being there, this baby would give me that.

"I just can't do it anymore," I said, but the words almost felt foreign to me, like I wasn't actually saying them. "I don't want to. I gave everything I had into this team, into every case, into every profile, and now, there's just nothing left to give..

Sean still seemed pissed off, but Clyde seemed to understand, somewhat anyway.

"My resignation will be in the system by the end of the week," I finally declared.

There was no turning back now.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi, everyone! I'm so so so sorry I haven't been on here to update or read anything in forever! Between school, problems my family is having, and the fact that I don't have wifi every other week, it's been hard to actually make it on here. Luckily though, things are slowing down and I'm going to have a lot more time on my hands, but I'm only going to update my fics if people are interested. Please message me or leave a review if you want me to continue this story. Thank you. If people do seem interested I'll post a new chapter on Thursday


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi, guys! I'm honestly not really sure where this fic is heading, but here's another chapter! I hope you like it! Please review :) **

_3 Months Later_

"Emily!" A familiar voice called. I looked up and smiled just a little. I still didn't quite know why I was doing this, but I guess I figured that since I would be living with a much more...stable lifestyle, it would be smart to at least try to rekindle our relationship.

She opened her arms as if waiting for me to hug her, but I didn't want her to notice the pretty significant bump. Not yet. Things were already getting awkward. I felt like I was fifteen all lever again, only this time I had to tell her. I was keeping this baby, even if she didn't like it. She eyed me with curiosity and confusion while I just glanced over at the chair across from me. It took a moment, but she finally sat down.

"Emily," she said again, although this time it was more like a sigh, "I haven't heard from you in forever."

"I've been on an assignment, Mother," I said for what felt like the millionth time. I honestly wished I could just tell her the damn details so that I didn't have to say that anymore. But that wouldn't do anything but put her in danger, and besides, Doyle was my final "assignment."

"You look different," she observed, eyeing me up and down-well at least what she could see above the table anyway.

A waiter came over and introduced himself, but I wasn't really paying attention. He asked what we wanted to drink and while my mother asked to see the wine list, I automatically said water. She looked up at me and I knew I was caught, so I just looked back down. I was actually surprised I lasted that long because, even in the biggest shirt I owned, my boobs still looked enormous.

Once the waiter gave her the wine list, she put it down without even giving it a second look. I could see the wheels turning in her head. She just stared at me. I was actually pretty scared. It reminded me of this one time when I was little and I broke something-I can't really remember what-but when she found out she just looked at me just like that. And I was terrified.

"You're pregnant," she said. It wasn't even a question. It wasn't an anything. She just said it.

I remained silent, figuring I'd let whatever thought she was thinking make its way through her head.

"How-when?" She breathed, barely meeting my eye.

There it was. The question I was avoiding answering.

"It happened on my assignment," I said, even though it was pretty obvious considering that I hadn't seen her in almost a year and I was four months pregnant.

"So, the father's one of your co-workers?" She asked obliviously.

I sighed, trying to remind myself that this was my bright idea.

"Um, not necessarily," I answered, trying to beat around the Bush as much as possible.

She looked at me, becoming a little frustrated. "Emily, tell me what happened."

I looked around the room a little, searching for a way out. I could lie to her, but that wouldn't get me anywhere.

"Mom, I was undercover when it happened," I said without a thought. I was actually surprised myself when I heard it come out of my own mouth.

She opened her mouth slightly, taking it and and attempting to comprehend it.

"I'm not really supposed to tell you anything, but, well, as my cover, I had to get...close to the suspect," I added. I couldn't even believe how much I was revealing right now, but I'm pretty sure this was the longest conversation we had had without arguing since I was a teenager...maybe even before that.

She had this weird look about her. I knew she wouldn't understand. I felt helpless because, for the first time ever, I couldn't tell what someone was thinking. She wasn't even trying to talk; she was just looking at me. For seconds, minutes even. Just looking at me.

"So, I'm guessing the father's not going to be around?" She asked calmly.

I blinked. That was it? No lecturing me? No shaming me? No disowning me?

"Um...No," I answered, shaking my head, still slightly taken aback.

"How long will you be in DC?" She asked, knowing both of our careers caused us to travel.

"Actually," I said, starting to feel a little more comfortable, "I resigned."

"Really?" She asked. "I thought that was what you wanted to do."

"It was," I said simply.


End file.
